It is unfortunate that it takes tragedies to form bonds, but it is a fact that once through a valley, we are stronger on the other side. We find personal and spiritual strength; we find the bonds with loved ones, especially a spouse, have become stronger; and we find our relationship with God to be stronger. I have lost two babies within a few short months, and it hurts today like it did the day the first baby was lost; but it dosn't hurt in all the same ways.
I believe that a baby is a true life at conception. I believe that baby has a soul at conception. I believe that there is no difference in that soul from conception to birth. There is not a magical moment that that soul becomes a life as he or she is born; he or she is a soul the moment they come into existance. It is that belief that makes the loss of a child before birth hurt. My children died living souls, not "things."
I do not remember my time in the womb, and I do not know anyone that does, so my speculation about what my children experienced before death will have to remain that, speculation. This speculation is a wonderful thing to most expectant mothers. We speculate that our children can hear our voice and so we talk, read, and sing to them. We imagine that they know us and form a bond that no one else has with them, we are Mommy. This speculation also causes pain when we never see our child. I wonder if there was any pain the moment their heart stopped beating. I wonder if they heard me tell them I loved them before they passed into eternity.
What I do not wonder is where they are. I know my children rest tonight in the arms of God. My husband is singing a song on Sunday, Finally Home. The lyrics to this song have been such a blessing to me as I think of my babies:
"Just think of stepping on shore, and finding it Heaven; of touching a hand, and finding it God's; of breathing new air and finding it celestial; of waking up in glory and finding it home."
My children know this place, they know God face to face. If I am honest, I could not ask for a better place for them, not even here in my arms. They will never know pain and never know sin. I will never spend a sleepless night worrying for them. I am not glad to have lost my babies, but I am happy to have them in Heaven with God.
